New Year’s Eve

New Year’s Eve. The end of another span of time filled with high highs and low lows. Elation and disappointment. Joy and sorrow. Eagerness and trepidation.

Learning: who I am, my purpose, the assignment, what matters most, just how much power words have.

Out of all of it, that last one has gripped me hardest.

I spent many years using my words to harm and injure those around me. Using the one defensive weapon I knew never missed and always landed its intentional harm. By God’s grace that’s not who I am anymore, and I would hope that those around me would now testify that I work hard to always speak life and Truth to them.

But what I’ve come to realize this year is how much I have continued to let the words of others have power over me. Words that the enemy uses to point out my “toos.”

Too much.
Too smart.
Too intimidating.
Too knowing.
Too shy.
Too heavy.
Too skeptical.
Too independent.

This is my struggle. It’s in my head but it’s the most exhausting battle I face day in and day out. Words that have been said to me at least once, but that are in a never-ending loop that can literally bring me to my knees.

Lies that I work to take captive every day, but sometimes it’s simply too much.

I want to rewrite this part of my story. To give the power of all of my words - spoken, unspoken, those spoken to me - back to the only One who determines my worth and let His be the only words I listen to.

So look out 2023. The Author is still in control, but now I’m ready to stop trying to be His co-author.