Attachment
The lump in my throat grows bigger every time we leave. And with it comes an overwhelming sadness that brings tears to the rims of my eyes as I make my final inspection to be sure no items are left behind. Except, a piece of me is left behind. Coming here is coming home. I yearn for the sights and sounds and the overwhelming peace they give me. The beauty and the little details of this place never cease to provide excitement and anticipation, and it never disappoints.
As we were leaving this time, I had a thought that hadn’t occurred to me before. Not just a thought, but a conviction.
How is it that I always have such a strong attachment to a literal place, yet find my attachment to Christ waxing and waning like the changing of the tide? I mean, I know Him. He has never let me down. He never ceases to provide satisfaction and awe just as that of a beach sunset. Yet, why do I not yearn for Him in the same way my heart cries out for the sea?
I already know the answer.
I have often said I feel closest to God when I am sitting where I can feel the ocean breezes, hear the crashing waves, and see the beauty of the sand. I have seemingly conflated the peace I feel there with the location itself. The peace isn’t from being by the ocean, but because I have quieted my soul, turned off the noise around me, to be still.
Can I not do the same thing when I am at home? He calls for me to come away with Him. To sit with Him and know Him more deeply. Am I not able to do that even when in the midst of daily life?
The answer? Yes, I can. But, I haven’t chosen to do so. I have chosen to waste so much time being consumed by the noise. I’ve been distracted.
Now, to identify a space in or around my home where I can turn it all off and put my full attention into growing a deeper relationship with my Savior. I suspect in a short amount of time the yearning I feel for the ocean will pale in comparison to the longing of spending time in that place with the One who gives me breath and purpose.
“And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.” Mark 6:31
If I’m completely honest, I’ve been like Jonah fleeing in the opposite direction of Nineveh far more times in my life than I’d care to admit; sensing God’s direction, but instead choosing to follow my own tightly held plans.